A Maturing Prayer

This post started out heading in a completely different direction than it is now headed. God is amazing! These past two months have been insanely busy and that has created a lot of problems emotionally, physically and honestly spiritually. This post originally started out basically whining about things that have transpired and how it has impacted my spiritual life in particular and as I was getting to the point of what I thought God had for me tonight in His Word, He showed me something completely different...so here's that thought instead.
     Circumstances lately have had a very negative effect on my walk with God. My prayer life has been horrible and that includes my prayer for meeting Tebow. It has gotten so bad, that at times, while I would be greatly disappointed in myself if it happened, I would not be surprised if God did not answer this request. I forget to pray, so much so that over the past month I have been asking God if it is even worth it to keep on praying, it is nearly April after all. Yet, every time I think I'm done, it's pointless, I haven't been faithful so why should He be, the Holy Spirit convicts me; He won't let me let it go. And honestly, that frustrates me.
     There are several areas of my life that are being neglected and they are needful things and the pressure to take care of them weighs on me heavily. often to the point of me shutting down in an effort to cope...which of course doesn't help. Every time God convicts me about not praying, I feel overwhelmed because, in that moment of conviction, I do pray and I do ask God to be more faithful than me. But in that moment of conviction I also feel overwhelming frustration because I know those moments of prayer are nothing compared to what I used to spend praying and I feel guilty. I read a verse in II Thessalonians tonight in which Paul was praying for the people in the church to have power to do all the things their faith had prompted them to do. That verse struck me because here lately, given the circumstances, I question whether or not this was something I should have been praying about at all. In reading that verse, I recalled very clearly the moment God said ask Me and see what I will do. I know this prayer journey is something my faith in God prompted me to do...so that question is settled, but there was still this frustration over my actual prayers for it. As I was writing the original post, God brought something to mind. This prayer is over two years old now, maybe it doesn't need the same kind of prayer that it did in the beginning. Maybe I don't need to spend hours praying to know God's mind and direction for this prayer because I already know it, He's already shown me that. I don't need to spend hours trying to find His will for this, He's shown me and what I don't know, I 've already asked for. This prayer has matured and grown and maybe is to the point now that all I need to be asking is for God to bring the answer as He sees fit; that prayer wouldn't take as long as the early months of this prayer did.
     I know I need to pray more often than just the times God convicts me, but at least I have a greater peace in realizing that this prayer doesn't have to be as long as it once was, many of the things I was looking for answers to have been answered. It's okay that my prayer time over this is shorter if that's how God leads. I don't need to feel frustrated or defeated and I certainly don't need to give up. Time is of no consequence to God, He can accomplish quite a lot in very little time...my job is to just pray as God directs, whether it be a few minutes or many.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes...Or Teen-agers

Let me just take a few sentences here to say how much I absolutely love my high schoolers, all of them, not just the seven many of us have been praying for over the past three years. These are an amazing group of kids who really do love God and really do work on building a growing and thriving relationship with Him. My homeroom class has 11 students in it. Four days a week I have the privilege of having devotions with them. On Fridays, they each share something they learned from God that week and they all have something to share. A lot of the times it is something they have learned in chapel that week or in their respective churches, but many times I hear, "while I was reading in my Bible..." or "during my devotions, God showed me..." How sweet to hear these kids are choosing to spend time with God, on their own, outside of school. I love to hear what they have to say, and occasionally, God uses one of them to challenge or help me as was the case recently.
     One of the boys had been reading about prayer. He has a dog that he loves very much. Several months ago it was diagnosed with cancer and not given long to live. He said he and his family have been praying for the animal ever since. Recently, they took her in to the vet who told the family he was shocked the animal was still alive. Animals with her type of cancer do not live long and he couldn't believe she had lived three months longer than he had originally given the family. Of course the boy attributed that to their family prayers. He told his classmates that they needed to believe God's promises for answered prayers because God had answered his family's request. Okay, so you may be thinking what I was thinking then, this is an animal, when it dies, it goes into the ground and that's it, but the boy was right about God's promises.
     There is something I have been praying about for a few weeks, something, that in the grand scheme of eternity, really doesn't matter, it's just a desire of my heart. I've been reading in James, always a dangerous thing to do, about prayer requests and why they often go unanswered. I've read these verses I don't know how many times in my life, but God shed some new light on a few of them in particular. One, often we don't have things because we don't ask. Often, I want to ask God for something and then think, nah, it's selfish, God won't answer that, but my student asked God for the life of his pet and God answered. The verse following says that often when we do actually ask, we don't get what we ask for because we only want it for our own selfish pleasure. God has really been working on me about why I pray for what I do and to make sure the things I am asking for and the things I am doing will glorify Him somehow or at least open up an opportunity for Him to be glorified. God sparing the life of that dog may seen frivolous to me, but it was an answered  request that has definitely brought glory to God. This boy has testified to his classmates of God's ability to answer prayer a few different times. Sparing that dog's life has helped this young man to experience God's graciousness in his life and he has shared a few times how he knows God has done this...this is why God answered his prayer, it wasn't just for his own selfish pleasure, but a chance to bring glory to God.
     This teen's testimony has really reinforced what God has been trying to teach me in James. Ask, the answer is definitely no if I don't. It's okay to ask for our desires even if, in the grand scheme of eternity, it makes no difference. If it truly is important to us, it is important to God and He can use those situations to bring glory to Himself...just ask my 15 year old student who is at home holding his dog tonight.

A Reason To Trust

Tonight as I was praying about Tebow's visit, I told God that I couldn't even begin to imagine all the things that He needed to do in order to make this happen. Think about that for a minute, all the things that have to go just right just for Tebow to even found out we've been praying for this, much less all the scheduling that will have to be done for the visit...that's a lot folks. I couldn't help reminding God that these kids were now seniors...in January...of the year of their graduation...we're running out of time here, God!!! And then He pointed out through Creation's story just what a master planner He is and how quickly He can get things done. I teach chemistry and right now we are struggling through how molecules bond, a rather complex event, and God created that in just one day of creation, it's taken my kids two days just to kinda', sorta' get what's going on!!! The laws of physics, the orbits of the planets, the ocean animals, land animals, man...each created in just one day and everything together in just six days. That's a lot of work in a short time. Not only did He do a boat load of work in a short time, His timing and planning of the days of creation was impeccable. Everything was created in a timely and orderly fashion...light first, land before animals, animals before man, He scheduled everything and nothing slipped through the cracks, it all happened just as it needed to.
     Really, when you consider God created the entire complexity of the universe in six days...and He took six days only for our benefit, it could have taken Him only a second really...5 months and scheduling who sees what and when for a visit from Tebow really is nothing. Creation just gives me another reason to trust that God is capable of doing anything, no mater how big, how vast or how much (or little) time He has.

Yeah Us!

Nothing really profound in this blog, just God shedding a new light on something I already knew and realized. Over Christmas break God really began to work on me about making my salvation and my relationship with Him personal...that this is something between me and Him. It is so easy to generalize salvation...Jesus died for us, our sins put Him on the cross, God wants us to have a relationship with Him. All these things are true, but if I only think in those general terms it takes a lot of responsibility of me. I am not solely responsible for Jesus' death, I solely am not in need of salvation, I personally do not have to build a relationship with Him. The truth is I myself and only me is responsible for all those things. God saved me, Jesus died for me, God wants a relationship with me regardless of anyone else. So I find myself in this new year once again taking steps to build up my relationship with God. As I was praying tonight, I thanked God for not giving up on me, especially when we've travelled down this road of spiritual improvement before and failed. As I was doing this, I began to think how I would react if I were God. I would look at me with a raised eyebrow, thinking 'is this for real this time' and 'we'll see how long this time lasts.' But that's not what God is thinking at all. He's thinking "yes, let's do this!"  and "yeah us, let's go" or in the words of my volleyball girls, "we've got this!" God doesn't look back at all the times I've tried and failed and use them as a standard for success, He looks at this new determination as if it were the first time and sees success. This thought gave me a whole new appreciation for David saying God is for us...He is.
     As my prayer continued on into Tebow territory, God reminded me He felt this same way about my prayer commitment over Tebow. He still sees success in this commitment; He's not using past failures as the standard for success this time.
     There's just something about knowing God is for us...that He's in this with me 100% with no memory of past failures...that He is probably in heaven cheering, "Yeah, Us!!"

Moving Forward

       First, let me report that my prayer journey has resumed with a credible amount of faithfulness and that God is breathing life back into this journey.. PRAISE HIM!!! But in so doing, I think I've drawn Satan's attention, he seems to be watching to see just how serious I am and is becoming a little suspicious. He's been throwing some rather odd obstacles into my prayers to see what would happen and it really wasn't until tonight as I was praying that I recognized what he was doing.
     Once I recommitted this prayer to God and began to honestly lift it up again, I wasn't sure just exactly what I could pray for, what I was still allowed to ask for. The Bible is full of stories where people were given a second chance, but there was always some consequence...Samson died, Moses was denied entrance to the Promised Land, Peter temporarily lost his relationship with Jesus, David had to run for his life and eventually lost a son. Yes, God had given them all second chances, but there was a loss as well. Satan got me to focus on that...what would be the consequences, what could I ask for, what had I lost, did I even still have a right to ask God for this? I became so wrapped up in dancing around those issues, I'd all but stopped fully asking God to still honor this request. Tonight, as I was dancing around the issue of what I could ask Him for, God finally broke through. He pointed out I was the one looking back at what had happened, He wasn't. Yes, Samson blew it, yes Samson paid a price with his life, but Samson still fulfilled God's purpose...to defeat the Philistines. Yes, Peter denied Christ and suffered broken fellowship, but God used Peter to lay the foundation of the church as He said He would. There may be things God can no longer do, but there are still things He can do, there are still plenty of things He wants to do... and those are the things I need to focus on in my prayers.
     We're told to come boldly before the throne and make our requests known. It's time to put the mistake in the past, where it happened and stop being so timid and unsure in my prayers and letting Satan use that as a deterrent. It is time to move forward and see what it is God will still accomplish in this prayer.

God Of A Second Chance

"Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven" Judges 16:22

Nearly two years have passed since the beginning of this prayer journey. As time has dragged on, many of the things I feared would happen, have. Many of the things I so arrogantly said would not happen in this journey did. Tonight, I believe my biggest fear of this journey has happened. Early on in one of these blogs I shared how tragic it would be for us to come within a day, an hour, even a minute of God answering this prayer and quitting before He did and I fear that is exactly what has happened.
     I'd heard on the radio last week that Tebow had been last spotted on a beach in Hawaii. Today, someone mentioned to me they'd heard he was here. I went online to find out if there was any truth to the news and found out he had been here in mid-October. I can not find any news saying that he is still here in our islands. My first reaction was to accuse and question God. "Why would you bring him all the way to Hawaii and not to our school?" "Why would you only answer part of the request, get him this close and not allow us to meet him?" Tonight, when I got home, I knew I needed to spend some time with God trying to find answers. It didn't take God long to begin showing me some realities. I still do pray, if that is what you want to call it, for this request. My prayers early on were some rather lengthy conversations with God, begging Him to show me what to pray, to confirm it with Scripture...and He did, often. Those prayers were spent honestly seeking out God, learning so much about prayer and the role of the Holy Spirit. They were prayers lifting Tebow up before God as I'd promised I would. My 'prayers' now consist of a ten minute car ride to work, basically, "God bless Tebow, God burden his heart with a desire to come to Hawaii, God answer my prayer." It's no wonder God showed little interest in answering my prayer, look how important it had become to me. How often had I told my kids God was only as interested in this prayer as we were. Something else He showed me was the kids themselves. I dare say very few, if any, of them still pray for this and I fully understand why...it's been a long time with little tangible results. There were many, many spiritual rewards early on, but time went on and it got harder, being a prayer warrior is not an easy thing. I don't think they're falling away is entirely their fault, however. I was supposed to be their spiritual accountability. I signed an agreement saying I would be and I stopped. I let school schedules and summer put a stop to our prayer times. This became unimportant to them because it became less urgent to me. That hits me the hardest...what have they missed because I dropped the ball?
     The disappointment is strong that Tebow was here and we missed it. I prayed up until the last minutes and quit and missed God answering this prayer for my kids in their senior year. In the midst of the sorrow and tears, God did bring Samson to mind. Samson blew it big time. God's rules became unimportant to him and he suffered greatly because of it. But that verse above says his hair began to grow again...Samson began to believe again and God gave him a second chance.
     That is where my hope is tonight, in a God of a second chance. I realize there are things God would have loved to do in answering this prayer and may now not be able to just as I am sure there is much God would have loved to do for and through Samson had He been given the chance. Samson did eventually give Him that chance and God still did something pretty incredible. The Bible says Samson killed more Philistines in his death than in his life. God can still do something pretty incredible here as well.
     This has been a very sobering wake up call, but I am awake now. Proverbs says a righteous man falleth seven times and riseth up yet again. It's time to get up, dust off and start moving forward with this again and not waste a second opportunity for God to answer this. 

Transformed

"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil..."

Jeremiah 29:11

Every year, I choose a Bible verse and theme for my volleyball team. We use the verse and related theme in our team devotions and on the courts during games and practices. The theme this year is "Transformed" and the related verse is Romans 12:2, "but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Now, I have to admit, that when I first discussed this verse with some of my players last year, it sounded fun because we would be able to use Transformers in the design of our team t-shirts. When the school year ended, I took a closer look at this verse and what being transformed meant. I have to say, I never expected to find what I did and had I known then what I know now, I would have NEVER picked this theme...or thought it would be cool because of some dumb robot design. However, God in His wisdom knew this was exactly what I needed and put it on my heart and through all the heartache and transforming, I can see so many good things happening and as my girls take this idea of transforming their thinking, I see definite results on our team, spiritually and athletically.
     Now, you may be wondering what a volleyball theme has to do with my prayer journey blog and Tim Tebow, so let me tell you.  As I studied the verse, I came to realize that its not my actions that need to be transformed, but the way I think and view things that needs to be changed. A change in me will only come when I begin to think the way Christ does. The amazing thing about this journey is not that God has been showing me new things to think on but has taken things I have known practically my entire life and has begun to change my thinking on them. He has shown me clearer views of what He really means in passages that are overly familiar to me. One of the biggest things He has worked on transforming in me is my perception of how He views me. One of my biggest battles this summer has been Satan putting in my mind that my sin makes God not want to use me or love me and that's why my prayers over meeting Tebow have gone unanswered. Since I am determined to be transparent in these blogs, I will admit that for most of the summer, I bought Satan's lie. It has taken, and still does on some days, quite a bit of persistence on the Holy Spirit's part to break through that lie and show me He has forgiven me and still wants me. Recently I came across a quote that so clearly relates to what I had been experiencing over the summer,

     Satan knows me by my name and calls me by my sin.

God knows my sin and calls me by my name

 

 

How true that statement is. God has forgiven my sin and is faithful to forgive me each time I slip up. Those slips do not automatically disqualify me from being used by Him. Time and again God brought the stories of Moses, David, Peter, Abraham to mind, God uses messy, dirty people to do His work, even when His work seems impossible. If God can use murderers to create a family line to free His people and eventually bring Jesus into the world; if He can build His church through one who betrayed Him, He can certainly use my prayers to bring about a meeting with Tim Tebow, no doubt.  After months of on-going transforming, Satan's voice isn't quite as loud now when I pray for that meeting, and the voice of the Holy Spirit is much clearer and much easier to believe.

 

 



Why You Don't Walk Away

As I mentioned in my last post, these past several months have been a very trying time in my walk with God. There was a time not so very long ago that I wanted to give up and quit, not just this prayer, but my whole Christian walk. It was just so hard and so painful and it really didn't feel as if God even cared.
     I shared in that blog also about God's faithfulness to us, well, really to me specifically, and how it escapes me that He would still want me and still want to answer this request even though I wanted to quit on Him. It has been a day by day process of learning to let go of things I do not understand. It has been a day by day process of learning to be completely honest with God and hold nothing back from Him. It has been a trying time of realizing that for so long I have tried to live for Him on my own; a time of learning to step back, realize how dependent on Him I am and how there are just some things that only He can do. It has been a time of almost hour by hour realizing there is a point to and reason for sticking with God and today an answered prayer helped me to see that God still wants me and He is listening to my prayers.
     Now, before you get your hopes up...no Tebow is not coming to visit, yet. However, since January, when rumors began circulating about New York letting him go, my students and I have been praying for God to open doors for him on another team. As the draft came and went and the Jets were unable to trade him, things didn't look so good for his NFL career. He was waived and no team seem interested. A few offers from arena leagues were made, but no NFL ones. The kids and I continued to pray for God to open a door for him somewhere and nothing happened. As summer set in, a rumor leaked from Tebow's camp that even they were beginning to think his NFL days were over. Just this morning, I prayed for God to open a door for him if He wasn't through in the NFL and that if his time was over, that he would have the grace and courage to follow where God led him. Not  half an hour later, on MSN it was speculated that New England had signed him. By this afternoon, it was a fact, Tebow was signed and will be on New England's roster next season. (and all I can say about that is at least he didn't wind up on the Raiders!!!)
     When I saw that article this afternoon, it was as if God was saying, "See, aren't you glad you didn't walk away? I am still listening and I am still working on this, keep on." So for today, in this moment I am very relieved and very encouraged and very glad that I did not just walk away.

A Faithfulness That Escapes Me

Another summer is upon us, another school year has passed without my kids meeting Tebow. As time passes, it has become harder and harder to keep this prayer before God or at least for me it has. It also has gotten harder to encourage my students to keep praying for something when they are seeing no results, at least physical ones, forthcoming.
     Satan has been on the attack in another area of my life and it has left me questioning whether God really would answer any of my prayers, let alone one this big. Given my struggles, I have thought, more than once, that this is pointless, that God wouldn't answer my prayers because it was me, because I wasn't being good enough or faithful enough for Him to answer. If I am truly honest, there have been times I have wondered if God really meant it when He said to ask or was He just being cruel...that is how strong Satan's attacks have been.
     There have been days when I have just wanted to walk away from it all, this prayer included, but God  wouldn't let me. God and I are still sorting a lot of things out, but He keeps bringing me back to this prayer. In the middle of an argument with Him, He mentions this prayer, not convicting me over it, but just reminding me of it. No matter how much I seem to want to let it go, He won't. On my way back home from CostCo today, God brought up my prayer for Tebow. As I offered up a prayer for God's protection over him, I found myself  instead begging God to be faithful to His promise even though I have failed and failed miserably in this journey. That He be faithful even when I wasn't.  I was very struck by how faithful God is, how He will do as He promises us even though we stumble and fall. It made me wonder how He does it; if someone I had made a promise to treated me this way, I would struggle mightily with following through on that promise, but God doesn't; it's almost as if He is anxiously waiting for me to get back on track so He can work.
     For many reasons I won't explain now, this journey has suffered a major attack by Satan. Perhaps that is because we are close to an answer and Satan is trying to prevent it because he knows what a victory for God and us it will be. Perhaps it is just a season of testing of my walk with God, again, I don't know. What I do know is that I am thankful and relieved that while I often give up on Him, He doesn't give up on me and is there immediately to help when I call. As a matter of fact, when I got home and was scrolling through my MSN news feed, there was an article about Tebow which gave me some information about how I should be praying for him. He is indeed more faithful than I have a right to expect and in ways I"ll never understand this side of heaven.

Know therefore the Lord thy God, He is God, the faithful God which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love Him and keep His commandments to a thousand generations.
Deuteronomy 7:9

An Odd Place For A Promise

God's promises abound in the Bible. Some are very direct and easy to spot. Others take some study to understand the promise and the condition of its answer. Others just come in some odd ways, ways that just go to prove God can speak to us through any book and any chapter of His Word.
     I have been reading through the books of Isaiah and Ezekiel. There seems to be chapter after chapter after chapter in these books of God pronouncing judgement, not just on Israel and Judah, but many of the surrounding nations as well. I will admit here, that sometimes, my mind glosses over as I read these pronouncements because they all seem rather similar. Not too long ago, however, as I was reading through the middle chapters of Ezekiel, something caught my attention. In verse after verse, God says, "I will..." and He gives some action. These verses are usually followed by, "they will..." followed by some action. Everything God said He would do came true. Every response He said the nations would have came true as well. What God says He will do, He will do.
     This of course made me think of the promise God made in Matthew 18 about two people agreeing in prayer. The verse says God WILL answer their prayer. If God's "I will's" came true in the Old Testament, then they will come true in the New Testament as well.
     God reassured me of His promise to answer our prayers for and over Tim Tebow through Old Testament pronouncements of judgement...an odd place for a reassurance, but one nonetheless.

He's As Interested As I Am

"Call unto Me and I will answer Thee..." Jeremiah 33:3

It's been over a month since I last posted any thoughts or ideas that God has shown me or any lessons I've learned. I would love to blame God and say it's simply because He isn't teaching me, but I would be wrong to do so. God won't teach or share if I'm not really interested in learning or listening.  
     When this journey first began it was so easy to be excited, to believe that at any moment we would get a phone call saying Tebow was on his way. It was difficult to focus my prayers on anything but Tebow. Lessons were being learned, it seemed, almost every night; posts on this blog were coming on a near daily basis. The big struggle was learning that faith was a choice I made, not an emotion I experienced. Doubt and fear were the biggest enemies I faced.
     It seems that as this prayer has aged all those things have slowed down. Truths aren't as easily discerned. It's a bigger struggle not to believe that this is what God wants to do, but that He really is going to do it. It has become a lot harder to focus in my prayers, to be earnest in my petitions and not let them just become repetitious requests made without any real desire behind them. In fact, for many weeks if not months, that is exactly what my prayers were, a mindless list of 'God do this' and 'God do that' just to ease my guilty conscience, to mark this task off my spiritual 'to-do' list.
     I had become frustrated and rightly so, but at the wrong Person. I was frustrated with God because He was no where near, or so it seemed to me. I couldn't see evidence of His working. It took Him a few tries, but He finally was able to remind me that He was only as interested in this prayer as I was...and I hadn't been showing much real interest in awhile. He also was able to remind me that His promises to me were conditional and that since I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, He wasn't obligated to hold up His end.
     Needless to say, I've made some changes. I have an easier time sticking to reading my Bible at night than praying so I switched morning Bible reading time with evening prayer time. It has made a HUGE difference. I have been consistently lifting Tebow and our request up in prayer for two weeks now. My prayers are more focused and I can feel the Holy Spirit leading my thoughts as I pray. There are things He has shown me in my Bible reading that I'll soon be sharing in this blog. There have even be a few articles posted about Tebow since I made this change, a little more direction on how to pray for him. He even has lead our UNINTIMIDATED group to make a video to post on YouTube, Twitter and Face Book (so be in prayer with us as we make decisions on how to put this video together over the next 2-3 weeks).
     I must admit, it is exciting to hear God again, to feel Him directing the path of this prayer again; and if I can be transparent, it's a relief. The frustration has eased and the excitement and desire to see this answered are returning. God really is as interested in this prayer as I am.

So Very Frustrating!!!

"I do not frustrate the grace of God..." Galatians 2:21

I do understand that the verse quoted in part above does refer to our salvation coming by grace alone and not through the law, however, as I was praying tonight for Tebow and our request, this verse kept coming to mind because I think here lately, I've been doing exactly that, frustrating God and His grace.
     This journey has long been in the land of frustrating. I want to pray, I want to see God work. I want to witness Him do something completely amazing and astounding and at the same time, I want to quit. I am so hot and cold on this it's ridiculous. For weeks now I have wondered how in the world Abraham survived waiting all those years for Isaac. How did he not give up at some point and say this just isn't worth it? And if he ever did have those moments, why couldn't God have put those in the Bible?
     Last night was one more of those nights that I came so very close to just quitting and I told God that, I told Him it seemed pointless to keep on going. News articles on Tebow were few and far between so I had NO idea how or what to pray for him. In light of his recent decision to not keep his speaking engagement at a church in Dallas, I wondered if we should keep moving forward, especially since so many people seem to think he sold out his faith. My prayers were running in the direction of a spiritual check-off list rather than heart-felt time with God. It's all been so very frustrating...and I whined at God about it. I forgot many of the things, in His grace,  He has done for us in this journey. I forgot the number of people He has brought into this prayer and the amazing ways He has done this. I forgot the fact that between 11 and 14 teens meet every Friday to lift Tebow up in prayer. I forgot so many of the lessons He has taught me in an effort to know Him better. I forgot the numerous articles I have read, many that disappeared from my MSN feed right after reading them. I forgot that God didn't have to do any of that for me. He could have told me to start this journey and then left me to figure it out on my own, but He didn't. He has given me what often I don't deserve in this journey, His gracious encouragement and answered prayers, and not just mine, my teens have witnessed it too.
     I don't ever want to loose God's grace...in this journey or in my life. I am thankful that while I too often get frustrated with how things are going, God doesn't and no matter how much I whine, complain or threaten, He doesn't get frustrated with me.

Becoming

"The idols of the heathen are silver and gold, the work of men's hands. They have mouths, but they speak not; eyes have they, but they see not; they have ears, but they hear not; neither is there any breath in their mouths. They that make them are like unto them; so is everyone that trusteth in them." Psalms 135:15-19

When San Fransisco beat Green Bay for a trip to the NFC Championship game, a new craze began. One somewhat reminiscent of an old craze and one that is quickly beginning to replace it. It's called Kaepernicking. When SF quarterback, Colin Kaepernick scores a touchdown he kisses his bicep, and after his amazing game against the Packers, the gesture caught on, quickly replacing Tebowing. In the week following that game, Kaepernick filed to trademark that gesture, just as Tim Tebow had done with Tebowing.
     When I first saw Kaepernick's gesture, I was struck by the total difference between his signature gesture and Tebow's. One acknowledges his own skill and strength while the other acknowledges God's hand and blessing. When I read the reasons why Kaepernick wants to trademark his gesture, I was once again struck by the very different reasons each athlete had for doing so. Kaepernick trademarked his gesture for marketing rights, he wants to profit off of it. Tebow trademarked his gesture to stop it from becoming a vain thing. Tebow's gesture was meant to honor God and he wanted it kept that way. Kaepernick's gesture is meant to honor his ability and he too wants to keep it that way.
     I read the verses quoted above this morning. The study part of my Bible pointed out that the people who make idols become just like them, incapable of honoring God. It warned us as Christians to take care about who or what we worship and what we make idols of because we will become like them. I shared this passage with my homeroom this morning in devotions. I pointed out to them these verses were clear cut verses on why it is so important to have the right role models in their lives, that this is not just something we tell them because we don't approve of their role models or sports heroes.  These verses make it very clear that God doesn't care for their role models either, if they are not pointing them into becoming more like Him.
     The sports world is filled with heroes and role models, regardless of what Charles Barkley once said. Tebow himself has pointed out that he is a role model and he wants to be careful to be the right kind of role model because people will imitate his actions. His actions and his testimony make him an excellent one and according to these verses, I think he's one God can approve of too.
    

That's Not How He Operates

"He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:10

Perhaps I am the only person who struggles with what God has been trying to teach me lately, but I suspect not. The above verse has showed up three different times in three different places in the past two days...I think maybe, it's time to stop arguing with God and start taking Him at His word.
     On more than one occasion in this journey, I have had it in my head that God will not answer this request if I am not perfectly obedient. Usually that voice is followed by another telling me that's not Who God is, that He wouldn't be that demanding or unmerciful. The first voice always comes back questioning that and pointing out all the ways I am failing. I realize that the first voice is Satan trying to discourage me; trying to get me to give up, because I'll never be perfect. I also realize the second voice, the merciful, comforting one, is the Holy Spirit, it's just that so often Satan's voice is so much louder than God's. Somehow, the loudness makes it more credible.
     As I was getting ready for church this past Sunday, I was talking with God about this request and Satan brings up a battle I have been fighting and not with consistent success. The Holy Spirit did try to speak to me, but as I said, often, Satan's voice is so much louder. The message that morning came from Psalm 103. The verse quoted above leaped off the page at me. God does not deal with us as we deserve and does not reward us based on how sinless our life is. Yes, I know this is the very thing the Holy Spirit has been trying to get through my head and I guess He finally did. Today, Psalm 103 was in my daily Bible reading, a second reminder that just because my life is not sinless doesn't mean God won't bless me. When I turned on my KLove radio ap afterwards, the verse of the day posted included the verse above. Makes me wonder who's shouting now?!
     God is very understanding of our sin nature and very compassionate about it, practically any Psalm will tell you that. God is well aware we will loose some battles with sin. He is not looking for me to live a sinless life, He's looking for me to strive for a life with less sin. God is looking for my obedience, not my perfection. God wants to bless us, He wants to answer our prayers, several Psalms say He delights in answering them. If I had to be perfect, if I had to be sinless for His answers then God would never have any joy.
     This does not give me an excuse to stop fighting the battle. If I give in to the sin and let it become a habit, God may very well withhold His answer, but just because I struggle to overcome, and sometimes fail, won't necessarily cost me an answer either because that is just not how our loving, compassionate and merciful God operates.

Why Didn't I Think of That?!

"Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think..."
                                                                                                                                          Ephesians 3:20

Let me begin this post off with a disclaimer. At this point, I have NO idea what direction God is leading in what I am about to share. It APPEARS He is leading in a certain direction and it's definitely the direction we are praying, but God's plan may not be ours.

There are things in this journey that I have asked God for. Things, that when I share them with people, make their eyes pop and head shake in doubt...and that's okay because as I figure it, the worse God can do is say no.
     One of the things I have regularly asked God for is that Stephanie and her family be with us when we meet Tebow. I have discussed many ways that God could allow that to happen. I've mentioned them winning a trip to Hawaii, I've brought up someone out of the blue offering to pay for a trip for them to Hawaii. I've even asked God to burden Tebow's heart to bring them himself. When Tebow went to New York, I began to pray that we would get to meet him somewhere in between us and New York, a place that would allow Stephanie and her family to travel to be there. Recently, I have begun to pray that God would somehow work out a way for us to meet him in Chicago, that way Steph and her family wouldn't have to go to any expense to be part of God's answering. Not once in all my praying did it occur to me that God could take Tebow to the Bears. Not once, in all the news surrounding what would happen to him in the very likely event he is released by the Jets, did it occur to me that he would wind up a Chicago Bear...even though I was praying for our meeting to take place in Chicago. But it seems that it DID occur to God.
     Last week I got a text from Steph saying that rumors were beginning in Chicago of the possibility of the Bears new head coach bringing in Tebow. The next day, she posted a link on my Face Book page to an article in the Chicago news about that possibility.  This is one of those things that makes me shake my head and ask, "why did I not EVER think of that?" It seems so simple and yet, it never entered my mind as a way to pray for God to answer.
     Several months ago I had come across the verse in Ephesians quoted above. At that time, God pointed out to me that He could do so much more than I was asking for, He could dream so much bigger in this than I could and I began to pray that the Holy Spirit would add to my prayers all that I wasn't asking for and all that I didn't even know to be asking for.  Today, I see that verse as a reality because, apparently, He's doing just that. I surely never asked God to open the doors for Tebow to go to Chicago, and yet, there seems to be that possibility. That HAS to be because the Holy Spirit did know to ask that and was asking on my behalf, simply because I asked Him to do so.
    

A Week of Awesomeness (and It's Only Wednesday)

"Call unto me and I will answer thee and show thee great and mighty things thou knowest not." Jeremiah 33:3

There is a song set to this verse and for the last few minutes it has been running through my head. As I was typing out this verse to begin this blog, I noticed that this verse contains a promise to answer the prayer, a promise to do amazing things, a promise of things that we've not witnessed, but it does not promise a specific time frame for the answer. God may answer the request immediately or He may wait for a short time or He may wait for a very long time, but the verse does promise He'll answer. I know that God is waiting to answer our meeting Tebow, but I am glad that in the waiting, He does answer some of the other things we bring to Him on behalf of this request.
     This week God really convicted me about not sticking to the time I set aside long ago to pray over this request, so I determined to get back on schedule and meet with Him at our appointed time. This was Monday. Immediately on Tuesday there were three different articles on Tebow posted on MSN, each one containing specific information I had requested of God. Then, even better, as I was posting the news of an article, I accidentally tagged someone who was not a part of our prayer group. I apologized to her because she probably had no clue what it meant and told her if she wanted to find out and begin praying with us, she could. She commented back she was interested. After much annoyance with Face Book, I was able to give her a skeleton sketch of what the posts and this journey meant. She whole heartedly jumped in and has committed to praying with us and may even be able to manage to meet with us on Fridays at school. A few minutes ago, she texted that she had read the most recent blog and was excited to be a part of this and to see all that God has done.
     Now, what I didn't mention was that in one of my prayers this week, I asked God to bring any one and every one He wanted into this group and He used an accidental mis-tagging of a person to bring her in. That's pretty great and that's pretty mighty if you ask me.
     Yes, it has been a week of awesomeness. It is amazing to see God draw near to this as I draw near to Him through this and may the awesomeness of our God continue on.

p.s. Sasha, I couldn't be more thrilled that God brought you into this, especially at this time. You're enthusiasm for this and excitement are just what these kids, especially the original 7 teen members, need right now. God's timing is perfect.

A New Year, An Old Vow and A New Resolve

"...and unto Thee shall the vow be performed, O Thou that hearest prayer..." Psalm 65:1b-2a

In the words of Rodney Dangerfield, "it feels like dejavu all over again." Denver has once again been eliminated from the play offs in the divisional round. It's incredible to think that a year ago, God used that elimination game to bring about one of the most incredible prayer journeys of my life.
     I most definitely did not think that a year later we would still be praying for the opportunity to meet Tebow. I certainly thought it would have been accomplished long before now. Of course, I also thought that we would be meeting Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos starting quarterback, but God had different plans, very different plans...for us as well as him.
     The start of a new year always brings reflections of the year just ended. We remember the good things as well as the not so good and this journey has been filled with both. I have seen God move in some amazing, spine-tingling ways. Stephanie and I have seen the moving of the Holy Spirit in our prayers numerous times. I have witnessed God move in the hearts of my friends to join us and cause this thing to grow much bigger than I ever thought it would. I have seen God draw my teen agers into a closer walk with Him. I have learned, rather painfully, how to submit my will to His, to keep going when I would rather quit and to wait in the agonizing silence when He didn't appear to be working. I have also learned to turn my prayers over to the Holy Spirit and to allow Him to guide them. I have had to endure the heartbreak and humbleness of telling my kids I did not know why God didn't answer when it seemed He would, but I have also seen those same kids learn that God's timing is more important than ours and have heard them pray for His timing so that He gets the most glory and honor.
     New years bring with them new resolutions as well...what promise did I not keep last year that I will this year; what can I do differently in this new year or what can I accomplish this year that I was unable to in the last. God impressed upon me in my prayer earlier this week that the new year in this journey should be no different. I witnessed and learned a lot about God last year, but what new things do I want to see, what new things can I learn?
     God brought a second year to this journey for a reason. There are things I still need to learn and there are still things God wants to do. I am not sure what those things are, but I have begun to pray for them. And after getting over the disappointment that we are indeed in a second year of praying for this, I even find myself excited at the prospect of what those things are. God is still in this. God still has big plans for this or we would have met Tebow by now.  If you have faltered along the way, let the new year bring new determination and a renewal to your commitment to pray with us. If you are still praying with us, resolve to continue on with us and be determined to be a part of God doing something utterly impossible and completely amazing.

Not Even If I Tried

Okay, I couldn't make this story up if I tried, so here goes. A few weeks ago I challenged the teens of UNINTIMIDATED to ask God to show them for themselves that His hand was in this journey. Two of my girls took up the challenge and asked God to show them something they needed to specifically pray over for Tebow. The next morning, both girls heard/read news about Tebow's new girlfriend. This was cause for some concern as the girl Tebow was dating did not appear to be saved. This was upsetting to the girls, but at least they had something to pray over. I admit, it had me concerned too and quite honestly I speculated a bit in my prayers. I know these girls, and I can almost guarantee you they have been praying for Tebow's wisdom in dating this actress and for God to intervene if she wasn't right for him, in my prayers however, I think I judged a little and assumed some.
     It strikes me as odd that Tebow has had very little success in New York, he has not been the savior of their team as he was Denver, not much chance to talk about his faith. As a matter of fact, he has been given very few opportunities to play and the one game where Sanchez was benched, Tebow was inactive due to broken ribs. Yesterday, Sanchez lost the starting job and Tebow was passed up as starter for third-stringer McElroy.
     Ironically, according to the news, Tebow has been interested in this girl since arriving in New York and began officially dating her just a few weeks ago. It seemed to me that God was letting Tebow know that dating an unsaved person was definitely not in His plan for his life. Now, the Holy Spirit convicted me over that, let me know I wasn't Him and didn't know all the details. This could be a time of testing for Tebow for all I knew. So I did modify my prayers. I did sincerely attempt to keep my speculation and opinion out of my prayers, but my thoughts kept coming back to it, perhaps it was the Holy Spirit guiding my prayer, I don't know. What I do know is that I prayed for God to give Tebow wisdom in dating her, that if she was going to pull his heart and focus away from God, that He would intervene and take her out of Tebow's life.
     Today, there have been numerous articles on Tebow (which now that I think about it, I did ask God to move specifically in Tebow's life today and apparently He did). Just as I was about to log off, I was scrolling through the news feed and a new article had been posted. Now hold on to your seats here cause this is pretty astounding...Tebow broke up with his girlfriend. HE broke up with her, not the other way around.
     I just laughed when I saw the article, could God be any plainer, any more direct in His answer? This is crazy...and awesome...and amazing...and well, I'm out of adjectives, but tell me, just how marvelous is our God? (oh, guess I came up with one more adjective after all)

For Themselves

Last week as I was praying, I realized that so much of what my kids are holding to is my faith and my belief that God is going to answer this request. This is not a bad thing necessarily. For the ones who are new to this, it's probably what they need for now, but for the ones who have been at this for awhile, they need some ownership in this prayer, they need to see God work in this for themselves. I began to pray that God would give at least the original seven a heart and a burden for this request; that they would take up a leadership role in this group. From that prayer, God lead me to challenge the teens to try Him and prove for themselves His hand was in this.
     So I did. I challenged them to ask God to do something specific over the next week to help them see for themselves, directly from God that this was His will. I told them if they weren't sure what to ask, to let God know that and give Him a chance to show what they should be asking for. First thing this morning, one of my girls told me she had been asking God what she should be praying for Tebow and would He please show her. On her way to school she heard a news piece about the girl he is currently dating, one that doesn't appear to be saved. She was excited because God showed her she needed to pray for Tebow's wisdom as he pursued this relationship.  Another girl told me virtually the same story at lunch. She was frustrated because she felt her prayers were becoming repetitious and she wanted to know specifically how she needed to pray. She, too, heard a news story about him on the way to school.
     Both girls were so excited to share and to see for themselves that God not only heard, but so quickly answered their prayer. This is really what this journey has been about, getting them to see and experience the power of prayer, to attempt impossible things that only God can answer and then expect Him to answer. I think tonight, at least two of the fourteen have definitely seen that for themselves, and prayerfully, twelve more will before Friday.

Sometimes, They're More Than Just Rewards

This past week has been AMAZING for UNINTIMIDATED. God has worked so greatly in two very specific areas. One I shared earlier, that God had sent someone, for at least a day, to pray with Tebow over our request. The other came Friday, when 12 kids showed up at 2:45 to pray for UNINTIMIDATED, many of whom I had prayed specifically that God would work in their hearts to bring them in. Our prayer group has doubled the number of teens alone that are now a part of this...fourteen teenagers are now committed to pray on a daily basis for Tim Tebow. I am so excited to see how God will now work, and the change something like this will bring to our high school.
     This working of God did not go unnoticed by Satan. As you can imagine, he went on the attack. Something very minor happened at school on Wednesday, but apparently it was just bad timing, because I cried, rather hard, for the rest of the day. I felt so miserable about it, I almost didn't go to church. A few hours before services began the Holy Spirit asked me if I was going to let Satan win this way, one day after God had so directly answered a prayer. So I went to church and of course it helped, mostly. On the way home, I didn't really want to pray about Tebow or our request, so I determined to just go home and go to bed. The Holy Spirit then asked me if I would really not pray in a week where I was asking God to speak to numerous teens about UNINTIMIDATED. He then reminded me that that very day, two teens had committed and would be joining us on Friday. So I prayed. Thursday as I was driving to school, I stopped at a store and realized my tire was flat...yes ANOTHER tire, that makes three if you're counting...and I am. :) I called a friend to pick me up, got my shopping done and went to school, completely unruffled. Things didn't quite go as planned and my car didn't get fixed, but Safeway was amazing and told me not to worry about having my car towed. I did manage to get it fixed Friday afternoon, after a few snags, for a really decent price, after twelve teens showed up to pray.
     It was really hard to get anxious or upset. God had sent so many blessings into my life this week that they were my focus. When I did get upset, God reminded me of the blessings He had already sent.  Blessings are amazing, and sometimes God send them to us as more than a reward for obedient living. Sometimes, they are reminders and sometimes they are distractors so we stay focused on Him and not on what Satan is trying to do around us.
     I always try to be thankful for the things God does for me, but this week, there's just a bit more gratefulness for what God did because for once in what seems a very long time, Satan didn't win a battle he usually does...and all because God sent the blessings first.