Transformed

"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil..."

Jeremiah 29:11

Every year, I choose a Bible verse and theme for my volleyball team. We use the verse and related theme in our team devotions and on the courts during games and practices. The theme this year is "Transformed" and the related verse is Romans 12:2, "but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Now, I have to admit, that when I first discussed this verse with some of my players last year, it sounded fun because we would be able to use Transformers in the design of our team t-shirts. When the school year ended, I took a closer look at this verse and what being transformed meant. I have to say, I never expected to find what I did and had I known then what I know now, I would have NEVER picked this theme...or thought it would be cool because of some dumb robot design. However, God in His wisdom knew this was exactly what I needed and put it on my heart and through all the heartache and transforming, I can see so many good things happening and as my girls take this idea of transforming their thinking, I see definite results on our team, spiritually and athletically.
     Now, you may be wondering what a volleyball theme has to do with my prayer journey blog and Tim Tebow, so let me tell you.  As I studied the verse, I came to realize that its not my actions that need to be transformed, but the way I think and view things that needs to be changed. A change in me will only come when I begin to think the way Christ does. The amazing thing about this journey is not that God has been showing me new things to think on but has taken things I have known practically my entire life and has begun to change my thinking on them. He has shown me clearer views of what He really means in passages that are overly familiar to me. One of the biggest things He has worked on transforming in me is my perception of how He views me. One of my biggest battles this summer has been Satan putting in my mind that my sin makes God not want to use me or love me and that's why my prayers over meeting Tebow have gone unanswered. Since I am determined to be transparent in these blogs, I will admit that for most of the summer, I bought Satan's lie. It has taken, and still does on some days, quite a bit of persistence on the Holy Spirit's part to break through that lie and show me He has forgiven me and still wants me. Recently I came across a quote that so clearly relates to what I had been experiencing over the summer,

     Satan knows me by my name and calls me by my sin.

God knows my sin and calls me by my name

 

 

How true that statement is. God has forgiven my sin and is faithful to forgive me each time I slip up. Those slips do not automatically disqualify me from being used by Him. Time and again God brought the stories of Moses, David, Peter, Abraham to mind, God uses messy, dirty people to do His work, even when His work seems impossible. If God can use murderers to create a family line to free His people and eventually bring Jesus into the world; if He can build His church through one who betrayed Him, He can certainly use my prayers to bring about a meeting with Tim Tebow, no doubt.  After months of on-going transforming, Satan's voice isn't quite as loud now when I pray for that meeting, and the voice of the Holy Spirit is much clearer and much easier to believe.

 

 



Why You Don't Walk Away

As I mentioned in my last post, these past several months have been a very trying time in my walk with God. There was a time not so very long ago that I wanted to give up and quit, not just this prayer, but my whole Christian walk. It was just so hard and so painful and it really didn't feel as if God even cared.
     I shared in that blog also about God's faithfulness to us, well, really to me specifically, and how it escapes me that He would still want me and still want to answer this request even though I wanted to quit on Him. It has been a day by day process of learning to let go of things I do not understand. It has been a day by day process of learning to be completely honest with God and hold nothing back from Him. It has been a trying time of realizing that for so long I have tried to live for Him on my own; a time of learning to step back, realize how dependent on Him I am and how there are just some things that only He can do. It has been a time of almost hour by hour realizing there is a point to and reason for sticking with God and today an answered prayer helped me to see that God still wants me and He is listening to my prayers.
     Now, before you get your hopes up...no Tebow is not coming to visit, yet. However, since January, when rumors began circulating about New York letting him go, my students and I have been praying for God to open doors for him on another team. As the draft came and went and the Jets were unable to trade him, things didn't look so good for his NFL career. He was waived and no team seem interested. A few offers from arena leagues were made, but no NFL ones. The kids and I continued to pray for God to open a door for him somewhere and nothing happened. As summer set in, a rumor leaked from Tebow's camp that even they were beginning to think his NFL days were over. Just this morning, I prayed for God to open a door for him if He wasn't through in the NFL and that if his time was over, that he would have the grace and courage to follow where God led him. Not  half an hour later, on MSN it was speculated that New England had signed him. By this afternoon, it was a fact, Tebow was signed and will be on New England's roster next season. (and all I can say about that is at least he didn't wind up on the Raiders!!!)
     When I saw that article this afternoon, it was as if God was saying, "See, aren't you glad you didn't walk away? I am still listening and I am still working on this, keep on." So for today, in this moment I am very relieved and very encouraged and very glad that I did not just walk away.

A Faithfulness That Escapes Me

Another summer is upon us, another school year has passed without my kids meeting Tebow. As time passes, it has become harder and harder to keep this prayer before God or at least for me it has. It also has gotten harder to encourage my students to keep praying for something when they are seeing no results, at least physical ones, forthcoming.
     Satan has been on the attack in another area of my life and it has left me questioning whether God really would answer any of my prayers, let alone one this big. Given my struggles, I have thought, more than once, that this is pointless, that God wouldn't answer my prayers because it was me, because I wasn't being good enough or faithful enough for Him to answer. If I am truly honest, there have been times I have wondered if God really meant it when He said to ask or was He just being cruel...that is how strong Satan's attacks have been.
     There have been days when I have just wanted to walk away from it all, this prayer included, but God  wouldn't let me. God and I are still sorting a lot of things out, but He keeps bringing me back to this prayer. In the middle of an argument with Him, He mentions this prayer, not convicting me over it, but just reminding me of it. No matter how much I seem to want to let it go, He won't. On my way back home from CostCo today, God brought up my prayer for Tebow. As I offered up a prayer for God's protection over him, I found myself  instead begging God to be faithful to His promise even though I have failed and failed miserably in this journey. That He be faithful even when I wasn't.  I was very struck by how faithful God is, how He will do as He promises us even though we stumble and fall. It made me wonder how He does it; if someone I had made a promise to treated me this way, I would struggle mightily with following through on that promise, but God doesn't; it's almost as if He is anxiously waiting for me to get back on track so He can work.
     For many reasons I won't explain now, this journey has suffered a major attack by Satan. Perhaps that is because we are close to an answer and Satan is trying to prevent it because he knows what a victory for God and us it will be. Perhaps it is just a season of testing of my walk with God, again, I don't know. What I do know is that I am thankful and relieved that while I often give up on Him, He doesn't give up on me and is there immediately to help when I call. As a matter of fact, when I got home and was scrolling through my MSN news feed, there was an article about Tebow which gave me some information about how I should be praying for him. He is indeed more faithful than I have a right to expect and in ways I"ll never understand this side of heaven.

Know therefore the Lord thy God, He is God, the faithful God which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love Him and keep His commandments to a thousand generations.
Deuteronomy 7:9

An Odd Place For A Promise

God's promises abound in the Bible. Some are very direct and easy to spot. Others take some study to understand the promise and the condition of its answer. Others just come in some odd ways, ways that just go to prove God can speak to us through any book and any chapter of His Word.
     I have been reading through the books of Isaiah and Ezekiel. There seems to be chapter after chapter after chapter in these books of God pronouncing judgement, not just on Israel and Judah, but many of the surrounding nations as well. I will admit here, that sometimes, my mind glosses over as I read these pronouncements because they all seem rather similar. Not too long ago, however, as I was reading through the middle chapters of Ezekiel, something caught my attention. In verse after verse, God says, "I will..." and He gives some action. These verses are usually followed by, "they will..." followed by some action. Everything God said He would do came true. Every response He said the nations would have came true as well. What God says He will do, He will do.
     This of course made me think of the promise God made in Matthew 18 about two people agreeing in prayer. The verse says God WILL answer their prayer. If God's "I will's" came true in the Old Testament, then they will come true in the New Testament as well.
     God reassured me of His promise to answer our prayers for and over Tim Tebow through Old Testament pronouncements of judgement...an odd place for a reassurance, but one nonetheless.

He's As Interested As I Am

"Call unto Me and I will answer Thee..." Jeremiah 33:3

It's been over a month since I last posted any thoughts or ideas that God has shown me or any lessons I've learned. I would love to blame God and say it's simply because He isn't teaching me, but I would be wrong to do so. God won't teach or share if I'm not really interested in learning or listening.  
     When this journey first began it was so easy to be excited, to believe that at any moment we would get a phone call saying Tebow was on his way. It was difficult to focus my prayers on anything but Tebow. Lessons were being learned, it seemed, almost every night; posts on this blog were coming on a near daily basis. The big struggle was learning that faith was a choice I made, not an emotion I experienced. Doubt and fear were the biggest enemies I faced.
     It seems that as this prayer has aged all those things have slowed down. Truths aren't as easily discerned. It's a bigger struggle not to believe that this is what God wants to do, but that He really is going to do it. It has become a lot harder to focus in my prayers, to be earnest in my petitions and not let them just become repetitious requests made without any real desire behind them. In fact, for many weeks if not months, that is exactly what my prayers were, a mindless list of 'God do this' and 'God do that' just to ease my guilty conscience, to mark this task off my spiritual 'to-do' list.
     I had become frustrated and rightly so, but at the wrong Person. I was frustrated with God because He was no where near, or so it seemed to me. I couldn't see evidence of His working. It took Him a few tries, but He finally was able to remind me that He was only as interested in this prayer as I was...and I hadn't been showing much real interest in awhile. He also was able to remind me that His promises to me were conditional and that since I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, He wasn't obligated to hold up His end.
     Needless to say, I've made some changes. I have an easier time sticking to reading my Bible at night than praying so I switched morning Bible reading time with evening prayer time. It has made a HUGE difference. I have been consistently lifting Tebow and our request up in prayer for two weeks now. My prayers are more focused and I can feel the Holy Spirit leading my thoughts as I pray. There are things He has shown me in my Bible reading that I'll soon be sharing in this blog. There have even be a few articles posted about Tebow since I made this change, a little more direction on how to pray for him. He even has lead our UNINTIMIDATED group to make a video to post on YouTube, Twitter and Face Book (so be in prayer with us as we make decisions on how to put this video together over the next 2-3 weeks).
     I must admit, it is exciting to hear God again, to feel Him directing the path of this prayer again; and if I can be transparent, it's a relief. The frustration has eased and the excitement and desire to see this answered are returning. God really is as interested in this prayer as I am.

So Very Frustrating!!!

"I do not frustrate the grace of God..." Galatians 2:21

I do understand that the verse quoted in part above does refer to our salvation coming by grace alone and not through the law, however, as I was praying tonight for Tebow and our request, this verse kept coming to mind because I think here lately, I've been doing exactly that, frustrating God and His grace.
     This journey has long been in the land of frustrating. I want to pray, I want to see God work. I want to witness Him do something completely amazing and astounding and at the same time, I want to quit. I am so hot and cold on this it's ridiculous. For weeks now I have wondered how in the world Abraham survived waiting all those years for Isaac. How did he not give up at some point and say this just isn't worth it? And if he ever did have those moments, why couldn't God have put those in the Bible?
     Last night was one more of those nights that I came so very close to just quitting and I told God that, I told Him it seemed pointless to keep on going. News articles on Tebow were few and far between so I had NO idea how or what to pray for him. In light of his recent decision to not keep his speaking engagement at a church in Dallas, I wondered if we should keep moving forward, especially since so many people seem to think he sold out his faith. My prayers were running in the direction of a spiritual check-off list rather than heart-felt time with God. It's all been so very frustrating...and I whined at God about it. I forgot many of the things, in His grace,  He has done for us in this journey. I forgot the number of people He has brought into this prayer and the amazing ways He has done this. I forgot the fact that between 11 and 14 teens meet every Friday to lift Tebow up in prayer. I forgot so many of the lessons He has taught me in an effort to know Him better. I forgot the numerous articles I have read, many that disappeared from my MSN feed right after reading them. I forgot that God didn't have to do any of that for me. He could have told me to start this journey and then left me to figure it out on my own, but He didn't. He has given me what often I don't deserve in this journey, His gracious encouragement and answered prayers, and not just mine, my teens have witnessed it too.
     I don't ever want to loose God's grace...in this journey or in my life. I am thankful that while I too often get frustrated with how things are going, God doesn't and no matter how much I whine, complain or threaten, He doesn't get frustrated with me.

Becoming

"The idols of the heathen are silver and gold, the work of men's hands. They have mouths, but they speak not; eyes have they, but they see not; they have ears, but they hear not; neither is there any breath in their mouths. They that make them are like unto them; so is everyone that trusteth in them." Psalms 135:15-19

When San Fransisco beat Green Bay for a trip to the NFC Championship game, a new craze began. One somewhat reminiscent of an old craze and one that is quickly beginning to replace it. It's called Kaepernicking. When SF quarterback, Colin Kaepernick scores a touchdown he kisses his bicep, and after his amazing game against the Packers, the gesture caught on, quickly replacing Tebowing. In the week following that game, Kaepernick filed to trademark that gesture, just as Tim Tebow had done with Tebowing.
     When I first saw Kaepernick's gesture, I was struck by the total difference between his signature gesture and Tebow's. One acknowledges his own skill and strength while the other acknowledges God's hand and blessing. When I read the reasons why Kaepernick wants to trademark his gesture, I was once again struck by the very different reasons each athlete had for doing so. Kaepernick trademarked his gesture for marketing rights, he wants to profit off of it. Tebow trademarked his gesture to stop it from becoming a vain thing. Tebow's gesture was meant to honor God and he wanted it kept that way. Kaepernick's gesture is meant to honor his ability and he too wants to keep it that way.
     I read the verses quoted above this morning. The study part of my Bible pointed out that the people who make idols become just like them, incapable of honoring God. It warned us as Christians to take care about who or what we worship and what we make idols of because we will become like them. I shared this passage with my homeroom this morning in devotions. I pointed out to them these verses were clear cut verses on why it is so important to have the right role models in their lives, that this is not just something we tell them because we don't approve of their role models or sports heroes.  These verses make it very clear that God doesn't care for their role models either, if they are not pointing them into becoming more like Him.
     The sports world is filled with heroes and role models, regardless of what Charles Barkley once said. Tebow himself has pointed out that he is a role model and he wants to be careful to be the right kind of role model because people will imitate his actions. His actions and his testimony make him an excellent one and according to these verses, I think he's one God can approve of too.