Moving Forward

       First, let me report that my prayer journey has resumed with a credible amount of faithfulness and that God is breathing life back into this journey.. PRAISE HIM!!! But in so doing, I think I've drawn Satan's attention, he seems to be watching to see just how serious I am and is becoming a little suspicious. He's been throwing some rather odd obstacles into my prayers to see what would happen and it really wasn't until tonight as I was praying that I recognized what he was doing.
     Once I recommitted this prayer to God and began to honestly lift it up again, I wasn't sure just exactly what I could pray for, what I was still allowed to ask for. The Bible is full of stories where people were given a second chance, but there was always some consequence...Samson died, Moses was denied entrance to the Promised Land, Peter temporarily lost his relationship with Jesus, David had to run for his life and eventually lost a son. Yes, God had given them all second chances, but there was a loss as well. Satan got me to focus on that...what would be the consequences, what could I ask for, what had I lost, did I even still have a right to ask God for this? I became so wrapped up in dancing around those issues, I'd all but stopped fully asking God to still honor this request. Tonight, as I was dancing around the issue of what I could ask Him for, God finally broke through. He pointed out I was the one looking back at what had happened, He wasn't. Yes, Samson blew it, yes Samson paid a price with his life, but Samson still fulfilled God's purpose...to defeat the Philistines. Yes, Peter denied Christ and suffered broken fellowship, but God used Peter to lay the foundation of the church as He said He would. There may be things God can no longer do, but there are still things He can do, there are still plenty of things He wants to do... and those are the things I need to focus on in my prayers.
     We're told to come boldly before the throne and make our requests known. It's time to put the mistake in the past, where it happened and stop being so timid and unsure in my prayers and letting Satan use that as a deterrent. It is time to move forward and see what it is God will still accomplish in this prayer.

God Of A Second Chance

"Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven" Judges 16:22

Nearly two years have passed since the beginning of this prayer journey. As time has dragged on, many of the things I feared would happen, have. Many of the things I so arrogantly said would not happen in this journey did. Tonight, I believe my biggest fear of this journey has happened. Early on in one of these blogs I shared how tragic it would be for us to come within a day, an hour, even a minute of God answering this prayer and quitting before He did and I fear that is exactly what has happened.
     I'd heard on the radio last week that Tebow had been last spotted on a beach in Hawaii. Today, someone mentioned to me they'd heard he was here. I went online to find out if there was any truth to the news and found out he had been here in mid-October. I can not find any news saying that he is still here in our islands. My first reaction was to accuse and question God. "Why would you bring him all the way to Hawaii and not to our school?" "Why would you only answer part of the request, get him this close and not allow us to meet him?" Tonight, when I got home, I knew I needed to spend some time with God trying to find answers. It didn't take God long to begin showing me some realities. I still do pray, if that is what you want to call it, for this request. My prayers early on were some rather lengthy conversations with God, begging Him to show me what to pray, to confirm it with Scripture...and He did, often. Those prayers were spent honestly seeking out God, learning so much about prayer and the role of the Holy Spirit. They were prayers lifting Tebow up before God as I'd promised I would. My 'prayers' now consist of a ten minute car ride to work, basically, "God bless Tebow, God burden his heart with a desire to come to Hawaii, God answer my prayer." It's no wonder God showed little interest in answering my prayer, look how important it had become to me. How often had I told my kids God was only as interested in this prayer as we were. Something else He showed me was the kids themselves. I dare say very few, if any, of them still pray for this and I fully understand why...it's been a long time with little tangible results. There were many, many spiritual rewards early on, but time went on and it got harder, being a prayer warrior is not an easy thing. I don't think they're falling away is entirely their fault, however. I was supposed to be their spiritual accountability. I signed an agreement saying I would be and I stopped. I let school schedules and summer put a stop to our prayer times. This became unimportant to them because it became less urgent to me. That hits me the hardest...what have they missed because I dropped the ball?
     The disappointment is strong that Tebow was here and we missed it. I prayed up until the last minutes and quit and missed God answering this prayer for my kids in their senior year. In the midst of the sorrow and tears, God did bring Samson to mind. Samson blew it big time. God's rules became unimportant to him and he suffered greatly because of it. But that verse above says his hair began to grow again...Samson began to believe again and God gave him a second chance.
     That is where my hope is tonight, in a God of a second chance. I realize there are things God would have loved to do in answering this prayer and may now not be able to just as I am sure there is much God would have loved to do for and through Samson had He been given the chance. Samson did eventually give Him that chance and God still did something pretty incredible. The Bible says Samson killed more Philistines in his death than in his life. God can still do something pretty incredible here as well.
     This has been a very sobering wake up call, but I am awake now. Proverbs says a righteous man falleth seven times and riseth up yet again. It's time to get up, dust off and start moving forward with this again and not waste a second opportunity for God to answer this. 

Transformed

"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil..."

Jeremiah 29:11

Every year, I choose a Bible verse and theme for my volleyball team. We use the verse and related theme in our team devotions and on the courts during games and practices. The theme this year is "Transformed" and the related verse is Romans 12:2, "but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Now, I have to admit, that when I first discussed this verse with some of my players last year, it sounded fun because we would be able to use Transformers in the design of our team t-shirts. When the school year ended, I took a closer look at this verse and what being transformed meant. I have to say, I never expected to find what I did and had I known then what I know now, I would have NEVER picked this theme...or thought it would be cool because of some dumb robot design. However, God in His wisdom knew this was exactly what I needed and put it on my heart and through all the heartache and transforming, I can see so many good things happening and as my girls take this idea of transforming their thinking, I see definite results on our team, spiritually and athletically.
     Now, you may be wondering what a volleyball theme has to do with my prayer journey blog and Tim Tebow, so let me tell you.  As I studied the verse, I came to realize that its not my actions that need to be transformed, but the way I think and view things that needs to be changed. A change in me will only come when I begin to think the way Christ does. The amazing thing about this journey is not that God has been showing me new things to think on but has taken things I have known practically my entire life and has begun to change my thinking on them. He has shown me clearer views of what He really means in passages that are overly familiar to me. One of the biggest things He has worked on transforming in me is my perception of how He views me. One of my biggest battles this summer has been Satan putting in my mind that my sin makes God not want to use me or love me and that's why my prayers over meeting Tebow have gone unanswered. Since I am determined to be transparent in these blogs, I will admit that for most of the summer, I bought Satan's lie. It has taken, and still does on some days, quite a bit of persistence on the Holy Spirit's part to break through that lie and show me He has forgiven me and still wants me. Recently I came across a quote that so clearly relates to what I had been experiencing over the summer,

     Satan knows me by my name and calls me by my sin.

God knows my sin and calls me by my name

 

 

How true that statement is. God has forgiven my sin and is faithful to forgive me each time I slip up. Those slips do not automatically disqualify me from being used by Him. Time and again God brought the stories of Moses, David, Peter, Abraham to mind, God uses messy, dirty people to do His work, even when His work seems impossible. If God can use murderers to create a family line to free His people and eventually bring Jesus into the world; if He can build His church through one who betrayed Him, He can certainly use my prayers to bring about a meeting with Tim Tebow, no doubt.  After months of on-going transforming, Satan's voice isn't quite as loud now when I pray for that meeting, and the voice of the Holy Spirit is much clearer and much easier to believe.

 

 



Why You Don't Walk Away

As I mentioned in my last post, these past several months have been a very trying time in my walk with God. There was a time not so very long ago that I wanted to give up and quit, not just this prayer, but my whole Christian walk. It was just so hard and so painful and it really didn't feel as if God even cared.
     I shared in that blog also about God's faithfulness to us, well, really to me specifically, and how it escapes me that He would still want me and still want to answer this request even though I wanted to quit on Him. It has been a day by day process of learning to let go of things I do not understand. It has been a day by day process of learning to be completely honest with God and hold nothing back from Him. It has been a trying time of realizing that for so long I have tried to live for Him on my own; a time of learning to step back, realize how dependent on Him I am and how there are just some things that only He can do. It has been a time of almost hour by hour realizing there is a point to and reason for sticking with God and today an answered prayer helped me to see that God still wants me and He is listening to my prayers.
     Now, before you get your hopes up...no Tebow is not coming to visit, yet. However, since January, when rumors began circulating about New York letting him go, my students and I have been praying for God to open doors for him on another team. As the draft came and went and the Jets were unable to trade him, things didn't look so good for his NFL career. He was waived and no team seem interested. A few offers from arena leagues were made, but no NFL ones. The kids and I continued to pray for God to open a door for him somewhere and nothing happened. As summer set in, a rumor leaked from Tebow's camp that even they were beginning to think his NFL days were over. Just this morning, I prayed for God to open a door for him if He wasn't through in the NFL and that if his time was over, that he would have the grace and courage to follow where God led him. Not  half an hour later, on MSN it was speculated that New England had signed him. By this afternoon, it was a fact, Tebow was signed and will be on New England's roster next season. (and all I can say about that is at least he didn't wind up on the Raiders!!!)
     When I saw that article this afternoon, it was as if God was saying, "See, aren't you glad you didn't walk away? I am still listening and I am still working on this, keep on." So for today, in this moment I am very relieved and very encouraged and very glad that I did not just walk away.

A Faithfulness That Escapes Me

Another summer is upon us, another school year has passed without my kids meeting Tebow. As time passes, it has become harder and harder to keep this prayer before God or at least for me it has. It also has gotten harder to encourage my students to keep praying for something when they are seeing no results, at least physical ones, forthcoming.
     Satan has been on the attack in another area of my life and it has left me questioning whether God really would answer any of my prayers, let alone one this big. Given my struggles, I have thought, more than once, that this is pointless, that God wouldn't answer my prayers because it was me, because I wasn't being good enough or faithful enough for Him to answer. If I am truly honest, there have been times I have wondered if God really meant it when He said to ask or was He just being cruel...that is how strong Satan's attacks have been.
     There have been days when I have just wanted to walk away from it all, this prayer included, but God  wouldn't let me. God and I are still sorting a lot of things out, but He keeps bringing me back to this prayer. In the middle of an argument with Him, He mentions this prayer, not convicting me over it, but just reminding me of it. No matter how much I seem to want to let it go, He won't. On my way back home from CostCo today, God brought up my prayer for Tebow. As I offered up a prayer for God's protection over him, I found myself  instead begging God to be faithful to His promise even though I have failed and failed miserably in this journey. That He be faithful even when I wasn't.  I was very struck by how faithful God is, how He will do as He promises us even though we stumble and fall. It made me wonder how He does it; if someone I had made a promise to treated me this way, I would struggle mightily with following through on that promise, but God doesn't; it's almost as if He is anxiously waiting for me to get back on track so He can work.
     For many reasons I won't explain now, this journey has suffered a major attack by Satan. Perhaps that is because we are close to an answer and Satan is trying to prevent it because he knows what a victory for God and us it will be. Perhaps it is just a season of testing of my walk with God, again, I don't know. What I do know is that I am thankful and relieved that while I often give up on Him, He doesn't give up on me and is there immediately to help when I call. As a matter of fact, when I got home and was scrolling through my MSN news feed, there was an article about Tebow which gave me some information about how I should be praying for him. He is indeed more faithful than I have a right to expect and in ways I"ll never understand this side of heaven.

Know therefore the Lord thy God, He is God, the faithful God which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love Him and keep His commandments to a thousand generations.
Deuteronomy 7:9

An Odd Place For A Promise

God's promises abound in the Bible. Some are very direct and easy to spot. Others take some study to understand the promise and the condition of its answer. Others just come in some odd ways, ways that just go to prove God can speak to us through any book and any chapter of His Word.
     I have been reading through the books of Isaiah and Ezekiel. There seems to be chapter after chapter after chapter in these books of God pronouncing judgement, not just on Israel and Judah, but many of the surrounding nations as well. I will admit here, that sometimes, my mind glosses over as I read these pronouncements because they all seem rather similar. Not too long ago, however, as I was reading through the middle chapters of Ezekiel, something caught my attention. In verse after verse, God says, "I will..." and He gives some action. These verses are usually followed by, "they will..." followed by some action. Everything God said He would do came true. Every response He said the nations would have came true as well. What God says He will do, He will do.
     This of course made me think of the promise God made in Matthew 18 about two people agreeing in prayer. The verse says God WILL answer their prayer. If God's "I will's" came true in the Old Testament, then they will come true in the New Testament as well.
     God reassured me of His promise to answer our prayers for and over Tim Tebow through Old Testament pronouncements of judgement...an odd place for a reassurance, but one nonetheless.

He's As Interested As I Am

"Call unto Me and I will answer Thee..." Jeremiah 33:3

It's been over a month since I last posted any thoughts or ideas that God has shown me or any lessons I've learned. I would love to blame God and say it's simply because He isn't teaching me, but I would be wrong to do so. God won't teach or share if I'm not really interested in learning or listening.  
     When this journey first began it was so easy to be excited, to believe that at any moment we would get a phone call saying Tebow was on his way. It was difficult to focus my prayers on anything but Tebow. Lessons were being learned, it seemed, almost every night; posts on this blog were coming on a near daily basis. The big struggle was learning that faith was a choice I made, not an emotion I experienced. Doubt and fear were the biggest enemies I faced.
     It seems that as this prayer has aged all those things have slowed down. Truths aren't as easily discerned. It's a bigger struggle not to believe that this is what God wants to do, but that He really is going to do it. It has become a lot harder to focus in my prayers, to be earnest in my petitions and not let them just become repetitious requests made without any real desire behind them. In fact, for many weeks if not months, that is exactly what my prayers were, a mindless list of 'God do this' and 'God do that' just to ease my guilty conscience, to mark this task off my spiritual 'to-do' list.
     I had become frustrated and rightly so, but at the wrong Person. I was frustrated with God because He was no where near, or so it seemed to me. I couldn't see evidence of His working. It took Him a few tries, but He finally was able to remind me that He was only as interested in this prayer as I was...and I hadn't been showing much real interest in awhile. He also was able to remind me that His promises to me were conditional and that since I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, He wasn't obligated to hold up His end.
     Needless to say, I've made some changes. I have an easier time sticking to reading my Bible at night than praying so I switched morning Bible reading time with evening prayer time. It has made a HUGE difference. I have been consistently lifting Tebow and our request up in prayer for two weeks now. My prayers are more focused and I can feel the Holy Spirit leading my thoughts as I pray. There are things He has shown me in my Bible reading that I'll soon be sharing in this blog. There have even be a few articles posted about Tebow since I made this change, a little more direction on how to pray for him. He even has lead our UNINTIMIDATED group to make a video to post on YouTube, Twitter and Face Book (so be in prayer with us as we make decisions on how to put this video together over the next 2-3 weeks).
     I must admit, it is exciting to hear God again, to feel Him directing the path of this prayer again; and if I can be transparent, it's a relief. The frustration has eased and the excitement and desire to see this answered are returning. God really is as interested in this prayer as I am.