Nevertheless Not MY Will...

Not my will but yours be done...everyday since January 17 I have prayed to be filled with the Holy Spirit as I pray. I have prayed that every part of my request that lines up with the Father's will be fulfilled and that every part that glorifies me not be. I have definitely prayed for His guidance in each request I present and when He said no to Denver, I was disappointed, but was easily able to accept it. When God felt the time to tell my sophomores was way sooner than I planned and in a manner completely different, I was fine and saw just why God planned things as He did.
This thing with Peyton Manning however, has proved a much bigger struggle in submitting my will to God's. For some reason, it was extremely important to me that Tebow be a Bronco player when the kids meet him. I didn't realize just how important it was until I heard the news that he will be traded should Manning sign with the Broncos.
Since I committed to journal every part of this journey, I am including this post, although I would rather not admit to just how childish and selfish I have been over this. I have thrown what is basically a spiritual temper tantrum over what I wanted to happen. I have been upset to the point that I wanted to quit praying all together. I am so glad God is gracious and longsuffering with me and doesn't always listen when I'm throwing a fit. I am incredulous that He would even try to teach me anything when I am acting out in such a way, but as I said, He is gracious and I believe He wants me to finish what I began. So here I find myself trying desperately to crucify my flesh. God point blank asked me last night if I could really be that selfish, would I deny my kids the privilege of meeting Tebow just because he was no longer a Bronco? Would I really be so stubborn as to demand my way to the point they would miss out on ALL that God could do just so he would be a Bronco when they met him? My flesh said yes, but the Holy Spirit in me said no. I really don't want to be that selfish, and I love these kids too much to deny them everything God has in store for them, but I still struggle with my flesh.
God then used a visiting missionary to show me where I had gone wrong. A point he made in his sermon was that we do not always finish  our race well because we loose focus on what our purpose is. Boy did that hit home. My purpose in this request was never for my kids to meet a Denver Bronco. It began as God challenging me to try Him. It was my request initially that no matter what happened, I would have a much better understanding of prayer and of God. Along the way, God impressed upon me how important it was that my students connect the miracle-working God of the OT to the God they strive to serve today. Somehow, this weekend I lost sight of the real purpose.
It truly does not matter who Tebow is playing with; what is important is that they meet him. My flesh is still weak, I am still tempted to sulk, but praise God, His Spirit is in me reminding me, "nevertheless, not my will but THINE be done."