When God Doesn't Answer

It's nearly 2:30, school has been out for almost three hours and I am left wondering why God didn't come through on this. The no would have been much easier to accept if I had moved out on this on my own, but I didn't, God brought the challenge to me. It would be so much easier to reconcile this was never God's will if I hadn't seen Him actually move and work in this prayer, if He had not so clearly been directing how we should be praying. I look back over the post titles and remember the lessons God taught me along the way and wonder why He bothered if He wasn't going to allow the kids to meet Tebow.
     All those brave words from this morning about knowing God has gained a victory even if the answer is no seem to be mocking me. I know they are true, but they do nothing for the profound hurt and disappointment I feel right now. I'm not angry with God and that can only be the Holy Spirit at work, I just don't understand what God is trying to do here. When I turned on my radio, the first three or four songs dealt with God healing a hurting heart, so I know God is hurting with me and trying to comfort me, but I still am asking 'why?'
     I cannot say this was a wasted effort. I have only to look at my kids to know that's not true; I have only to listen to their testimonies and prayers to know God did something profound here. But where was God showing me that He is capable of the impossible if I allow Him to? Where is God being true to His character and His Word? He said to trust that He is Who His Word says He is, and I did, not easily, but I did, so where is Tebow?
     Oddly though, there is still some hope, a feeling that this is not over, yet and that could very well be the Holy Spirit speaking. I keep thinking about the things He showed me concerning Jarius and Martha. God worked for both of them after time had expired. Jarius had to still believe after his daughter died. Lazarus had to be dead so Martha could fully learn the lesson God had for her. I understand her a little better right now. "God, you could have answered this a thousand times in the past five months, but now it's too late.' But God didn't show me those things for nothing, there was a reason. Metaphorically speaking, the daughter has died and the brother is gone, so do I still have hope? Will God still work a miracle when all hope of one is gone?
     I wish I had easy answers. I wish I knew the outcome of my story as well as I do theirs, but I don't. I simply don't know what it is God is doing, but neither did Jarius or Martha and yet, somehow they found the courage to believe. So I'll go home and pray and try to figure out where it is we go from here, if anywhere.
     As I finish this, I feel God's peace in my heart, that comes from last night and this morning...times I didn't think I would be so grateful for so soon. The hurt and confusion are real, but so is the assurance that God is still in control and that His Word is still true, even now and once again, for what feels like the thousandth time, I know this because of the power of the Holy Spirit still at work in me.