Where Do We Go From Here?

That is a question I have been asking myself a lot since Thursday. What does this all mean? I was so sure God was going to answer this by the end of school that I'm not sure what to think any more.             When I was five, I was attacked by a dog and wound up with 55 stitches in my head. This dog was not some stray dog I didn't know. He was one I had played with numerous times before. I loved this dog, knew him well, what to expect from him and yet he attacked me. To this day I shy away from dogs. One hurt me once and it could happen again. Every time I have tried to talk to God about what happened with this request and what it is He wants from now, I tend to shy away from the prayer in the same manner I shy away from dogs, and for the same reasons...it hurts, it's not what I expected from God, it's not what He promised. I know God did not intentionally hurt me and somewhere deep down, I know God has a plan for what He's doing and I've no reason to not trust Him, but my human nature shies away from being so hurt and devastated again.    
     I do know, however, that while God did work in some tremendous ways, the reason this whole journey began has not been fulfilled. God did not ask me to teach my students about covenant praying although they learned a valuable lesson about following through on a commitment. God did not ask me to teach them or learn myself that faith is a deliberate choice we make even though that did happen. God did not ask me to take this on so that I would better learn the role of Holy Spirit in my relationship with Him but it did happen nonetheless. God asked me to take this on to show me He is a God capable of doing impossible things if I'll just let Him. I asked Him to have a better understanding of Him because of it. I have learned so much about Him. I am still in the process of coming to accept many of the things He has taught me, yet that one reason, to see Him do the impossible, still has not happened.
     I cannot tell you how many times in the past five months God has told me to stop worrying, that while the circumstances surrounding the prayer have changed, the promises have not. As much difficulty as I have tonight believing those promises, that statement remains true. God's promise to do what two people ask who agree and are praying in the Spirit is still true tonight four days after school has ended. Two of us asked, agreeing in prayer and led by the Spirit, to allow these kids to meet Tim Tebow.
     If God's promises in His Word are true, then I have no choice but to believe that God is still going to allow my students to meet Tim Tebow. I say I have no choice, but that's not true, I do. The easier choice is to give up, to say that this was never God's will, but I don't honestly believe that. One has to only look at all the ways the Holy Spirit led the prayers of two people thousands of miles away to know that's not true. It's easy to say that God never meant for us to meet Tebow, He just used that to teach the kids the value of stepping out on faith. It's easier to believe that, but it's not true. I can not let go of the feeling that God isn't finished here and He still does mean for them to meet Tebow.
     It's harder now. I've lost faith, I've lost the passion and drive to see God do this. It's harder now to accept since there is no longer a timeline God needs to answer in. I am afraid I'll be disappointed once again. My mind goes to Jarius and to Martha. It must have been easier for them to believe their loved ones would be restored while they were still alive. How hard the choice to believe Jesus could still act once they died must have been for them. The Bible doesn't say they had difficulty, but I suspect they did. They had to make a very deliberate choice to believe that not only could Jesus still act, but that He would. I suspect that is what God is asking me, that this is why He taught me lessons from both of their stories.
    I'll be honest,  I am uncertain and having difficulties making myself vulnerable to God once again. I am struggling tonight to make that deliberate choice to take God at His word, but I know it's what I need to do. God is Who He says He is. If He said ask, if He said two agreeing in prayer will have thier request granted, then it's true and my kids will still meet Tebow somehow, some way, just not in the manner I thought they would.
     Perhaps the circumstances are just not impossible enough for Him to show me or the kids just how big of a God He really is, I don't know. What I do know is, we need to continue on in this prayer until God answers the request He desired of me to ask Him, that we need to continue to pray until the kids meet Tebow. I am continuing on and hope that God leads you to do the same.